The History of Scissor Jamming

In the beginning, there was nothing. Then God created the Earth. He decided that the Earth was boring, so He created light. Then He created animals to go on Earth, but they were still boring. Still unsatisfied, He created the first man, Adam. You'd think by this point there'd be a tiny bit of interesting stuff happening, but nope. So God created scissors, and gave them to Adam. You all know what happened next.

After being cast out of the Garden of Eden as a punishment for jamming with forbidden scissors from the Scissortree of Knowledge, humanity was cast out into the world to fend for themselves and to make their own damned scissors. Despite God's insistence that He'd stay out of humanity's love affair with scissors, He could not prevent His son from following humanity's scissor-jamming example, following an early encounter with John the Future Baptist.

Even before women were allowed to wear clothes, scissor jamming was a popular pastime. People would spend lovely days in the park with a picnic lunch, enjoying the sun and company. Eventually, after lunch had been finished, the scissors would be brought out for "dessert"!

However, scissors haven't ALWAYS enjoyed the popularity they do now. Sadly, at certain points in the history of humankind, certain misguided special interest groups have declared scissor jamming evil and wrong. People would be forced to hang their heads in shame, rather than admit that they liked to scissor jam! Even to admit that you did it in the privacy of your own home was considered morally reprehensible. Some were even forced out of their homes and communities, to make a new life for themselves in less restrictive lands, not to return to their homes for years and years.

As one would expect following such a blatant suppression of basic human needs, bloodshed would follow. Epic battles have been waged for the freedom of scissor-jammers everywhere! Even though the clothing situation had only improved marginally for women by this point, Lady Liberty led the troops into battle, eventually emerging victorious despite an ill-fitting bodice!

Once again, the right to jam a pair of scissors repeatedly into your crotch is a personal decision, whether you tend to be open about your choice, or whether you tend to be more coy and private about it. It's up to you!