Scissor-Jamming Testimonials!

From -----@inforamp.net:
first of all, we were very impresed with your page. we feel that people should be open about these things just like us. We even started a club at school for people who jam scissors into their crotches. So far, we are the only members but that's okay, things are looking good. Most teachers at our school think that this is some sort of bizare cult, except of course the principal who is thinking of converting. We have also encouraged our parents to join us in our scissor jamming. Unfortunately mine threw me out of the house so now I eat with my friends and sleep at union station (which is getting exceedingly difficult because the homeless people keep stealing my box!)Luckily, when I start to jam scissors into my crotch, they leave me alone.

Now, as a note to all other scissor jammers, I would like to tell you about my first experience ('cause the first time is always the best). It all started back in grade 1, it was arts and crafts time. I was bored and needed a new hobby because the teacher stopped me from eating glue. I started poking myself with a crayon but it wasn't right, it just wasn't natural. I needed something with a little more excitement. The only other thing on hand was a pair of safety scissors. And then I knew, this was my calling.

As I grew, so did my lust for sharp objects (and my mother, but we won't get into that). I began experimenting, it started with real scissors and soon I was into garden shears. I soon found shop class, I was in heaven.

We are now enclosing a list of celebrities who also are active in this art.

from a group of giddy schoolboys ...well, we're now girls after trying that exacto knife thing.

Dear Schoolgirls,
Thank you very much for writing to share your experiences. I'm sure everyone was interested to hear your experiences, based on the reaction around the office. However, I'm not sure how much faith we can put in your list of celebrities...what we want is HARD, PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE. Certainly, we can use our imagination as well as anyone else, but we're thinking of those poor souls viewing this page who have been raised on television and don't have such faculties.
Yours,
The Scissor Crew

...then, a short while later...

Hey it's the scissor happy trio and our new friends, Krudler and Kilbot. We all have some questions for you, since we've gotten up close and personal.

  1. would it be illeagal in 48 states to sleep with you?
  2. would you consider yourself male, female or otherwise? (Eunuch, hermaphrodite)
  3. if you were having sex with food involved, would you prefer flambe or whipped cream (with sprinkles)?
  4. who are you more attracted to- Preston Manning or Bob Dole?
  5. do you find Jerry Springer sexually arousing?
  6. do you think that Janet Reno is secretly Bob Dole's special friend?
  7. do you think that the Elaine dance would be fun with scissors in place of thumbs?

Anyway, I hope you will answer our questions. Another thing, after much deliberating, we have finally decided on a name for our club. O.U.C.H. (Obsesive Users of Crotch Harmers). The following people are part of our club:

Fauntleroy Brown, Nellie and Beulah (the scissor happy trio)
Kilbot, Krudler, Lizardbreath and of course Mr/Mrs McGauley (Our principal)

Dear O.U.C.H.,

We are pleased to hear of your new organization. It is just this kind of forthright public degeneracy that will do us all proud. When we learned of your new organization, we all grabbed our scissors and jammed with delight!

Now, while your questions are legitimate questions, we think instead of giving you the satisfaction of answering them all, we'll instead throw them out to the general public for their opinion. It's much more fun that way. Besides, this is only really our second date, and the Elaine Dance is just too personal a subject to get into right now. That said, it should be noted that with the wild and wacky sex laws on the books in the United States, it's considered illegal to have any sex AT ALL in at least 30 states, and illegal to even think about it in 2.

Yours,
The Scissor Crew

received June 7th, 1997...

do you feel that auto-erotic-asfyxia would add to the pleasure recieved from jamming?

also, the assistant principal of my school uses a syringe as a substitute for scissors-what is your honest opinion about this substitution?

i also heard that due to the recent success of ABC's Ellen's original "coming out" show, she will soon air a second "coming out" episode in which she will admit to her daily endevours into jamming. Is this true?

i have two worthy pictures which could be made into scissor-holders. i have them attached to this zipped.

Dear Tenant,

You bring up a number of good points with your note. First of all, it is not up to us to determine what you do WHILE you're jamming. If strangling or suffocating yourself is your bag (no pun intended), we are in no position to stop you. Would we endorse it? No ma'am. Secondly, your assistant principal might find that syringe a little blunt, without the needle attachment, but hey, whatever yanks their crank. Thirdly, the Ellen 'jamming' episode has been rumoured for at least a year, but we know for a fact that the network just doesn't have the guts...although we have to admit that an episode featuring both jamming AND lesbians would probably put us right over the edge.

Your pictures have been noted and are in the file.

Yours,
The Scissor Crew

June 30, 1997--More from the scissor-happy trio!

I'm Baaaaaack! Now that the summer holidays have cum... I mean come, I've had a lot more time to jam. For graduation I was given a shiny, new pair of pinking shears. Unfortunatly the tip is rather blunt, but the serrated edges... oh baby. I wanted hedge clippers, but my grades were too low.

Anyways, we won't be hearing from Nellie for a while. She has embarked on a spiritual quest to find her true identity. She left with only a pair of scissors but should be returning in a few weeks. She is hoping to find a new level of existance where her and her practice can truly be excepted and understood.

There is another member who will be spending time away from us. Lizzardbreath was commited to an institution yeasterday after her parents had found her experementing with a pair of scissors ducttaped to a vibrator. As she was wrapped in a streight jacket and thrown into a truck she was heard screaming, "take away my food, water, even the air I breath, but leave me my scissors!" Fortunatly she is strong (I know from experience) and will somehow manage in that damn padded room.

There are plans in the making for a camp next summer. It will cater to our special needs and will involve fun filled days with a variety of sharp objects. We tried to set it up through the community school, but (dispite the principals influience) were rejected. There was plenty of interest, but they were worried with so many children and so many sharp objects, someone could put an eye out.

I snapped some photos at the Madonna jamin party but when she saw me, her and the other geusts cut up the pictures (it's not like they had a lack of scissors). They tried to cut me up into little peices too but instead let me join in on the fun. By the end of the night I convinced Hasselhof to start a Baywatch chapter of the O.U.C.H. organization.

Well, that's all for now,
Beulah (the only member not yet in trouble with the law)

received July 15, 1997:

Jerry Springer July 14, 1997:
I Cut off my manhood; Earl Zea discusses his reasons for cutting off his sexual organ and other panelists get involved in the discussion)

Jamming scissors into your crotch is one thing, but this is rediculus! I don't usually watch Jerry Springer but this episode caught my eye.

Earl Zea cut off his own penis with a pair of garden shears. That is why, when I was watching, I thought of you guys. He did this to discourage his gay "friend" from cuming... I mean coming on to him.

If you can find anything about this psycotic dick... or rather lack there of, please send it 2 me

Your jammin buddy
Beulah

Received on September 15, 1997
I have repeatedly jammed a pair of scissors into my crotch and have failed to grasp the appeal of such an activity. From exalultations you have given scissors-jamming, I expected sensations of pleasure or well-being. Imagine my surprise when all I was treated to was pain, bleeding, and an unscheduled trip to the E.R.! What up with that? Am I doing something wrong? Please let me know as I hate to be left out as to what other people are doing.

sincerely,
Emasculated in Montana.

Sooooo....you suffered pain, bled, and ended up in the E.R., hm? And the problem is....?

And, a bit of advice:
Although I am still a novice at scissor jamming I am learning quickly. Here is a little piece of info you may want to pass along to other beginners of the art. As a left handed person I had some trouble with scissor jamming until I purchased a pair of left-handed scissors. That made it easier for me to learn the fundamentals of jamming.
Consider yourselves informed. No excuses, now.

Yes, we also want to hear stories of YOUR experiences with jamming scissors into your crotches, both positive and negative! We will post them here as we receive them! Send your stories to scissors@armchair.mb.ca!

Show us YOUR scissors!

We want to know what you're using! If you feel that it's not too personal a matter, feel free to scan a picture of your scissors, and send a .gif or .jpg to us at scissors@armchair.mb.ca! Keep them as small as possible, please.

I'm not quite sure this counts as SHOWING us, but we received the following via email:

NEW LITE INSTRUMENTS COMPANY ®
============================ 
Abbot Road, Praim Nagar           
Sialkot - Pakistan        
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                        SPECIALIST OF QUALITY SCISSORS.
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                                         Sialkot, 12th June, 1997



ATTN: Mr Presedent
FROM: MR. Khadim Hussain Sabri.


Dear sir,

We are manufacturers and ezxporters of scissors.This is an
old established company enjoying good reputation in the world market due
to fine quality scissors reasonable prices and early delivery
schedules.

Our manufacturing unit is equipped with the latest machinery
and highly qualified and experienced craftsman who are engaged to
produce quality scissors both in satin and mirror finish up to entire
satisfaction of the end user.

We are specialist in Scissors specially in high quality japanese
stainless steel.In order to ensure best quality all our scissors are
made rust free so that there don,t show any visible sign of rust after
sterlization.All our instruments are medical tested,boil tested and
pasivated.All our instruments are guaranteed against
defective material and workmanship.

Whether you are importing from any other country,we kindly request you
to please talk with us,we are confident this will be a very useful
experience for both of us.

Waiting for an early reply with many expectations.
With best regards.

Sincerely yours,
NEW LITE INSTRUMENTS CO. ®

Khadim Hussain Sabri



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            C  O  M  P  A  N  Y       P  R  O  F  I  L  E
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COMPANY NAME      : M/S NEW LITE INSTRUMENTS COMPANY   
FACTORY ADDRESS   : Praim Nagar, Abbot Road, 
                    Sialkot (51310) - Pakistan.
CONTACT PERSON    : Syed Zakaullah Shah
ESTABLISHED IN    : 1974
MANUFACTURERS &
EXPORTERS OF      : HOUSE HOLD SCISSORS.
                  : BARBAR SCISSORS.
                  : TAILOR SCISSORS.
                  : PAPPER SCISSORS.
                  : CUTICLE SCISSORS.
                  : EMBRIODERY SCISSORS.             
                  : KITCHEN SCISSORS.
                  : ELECTRICIANS SCISSORS.
                  : SURGICAL SCISSORS.
                  : TC SCISSORS. (Gold plated)

ANNUAL TURNOVER   : 2.80 Million US$ (1996)  
PAYMENT TERMS     : Against Irrevocable L/C.  
                  : Cash Against Documents
MEMBER OF         : Surgical Instruments Manufacturing Association
                  : Sialkot Chamber of Commerece & Industry

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